I just had a true moment out of freak-ville about an hour ago.My apparant mundane day was suddenly punctured by an sms from a friend of mine back in Shillong. She messaged me to say that a classmate of mine, or rather group member passed away today. forgive the language, but my first reaction was "WTF!"
This girl,P was always a strange concoction to me. Its not like we were close or anything but i met her practically everyday of my life for twelve years. we made the journey from 2+2 to theorems together. That is why I guess i freaked out. For an hour I was expecting someone to call me and say,"it was a joke, a dumb one at that". Now, its almost as if she has simply vanished. poof!
P was not known to be the most amiable of people. Thank God I never faced her wrath. not directly atleast. Some friends of mine had their frowns against her. The reasons were classic silly. As a kid she threatened a friend of mine saying her father, who is in the police, would put her whole family behind bars if she did not let her go ahead or something just as stupid. Then I heard something near to that same nature happen even in high school. But these were things to be laughed at. I do not think anyone hated her. no,she was just P...ridiculously funny that way.
In the later part of high school, she got obsessed with straight hair...in fact most people remember her now by how obsessively she would keep ironing her hair...so much so that it almost looked starched sometimes. The only time she was rude to me, she even came and apologized. I remember meeting her on the road to some destination to another and doing the same old "How have you been? where are you now and blah blah..."'always walking away with the picture of her hair in mind. infact, once I met her when she was returning after getting something pierced or while going to do the same. In my head I said "oi."
Last I met her was at a friend's place on new year's eve last year and I remember running away after hugging her because she seemed distinctly high. Had a laugh about it many times afterwards. I guess that is what I took for granted would keep happening for a long time to come...not getting high, but meeting people from the past who come along and reaffirm one's faith in the absoluteness of a childhood gone by.
Now, strange things keep coming to my head...I can still see her in her blue and pink ghagra, getting ready to do a dance no. on teacher's day. same function, different song and attire in class 9. I remember pulling off a silly play together with her in the 10th standard. I remember her missing her chair and falling down in Geography class (7th standard)...the teacher saying that it is dangerous to pull someone's chair and then laughing herself.
It all seems like a sick joke...I just visited her profile and ironically, it says "live life king size" and her status,which i suppose she wrote when she went back after her holidays says "back to life".
P, I do not want to lie and pretend that we were great chums and so i am feeling bad. It would be snubbing your memory. But truly, I am feeling bad. I know their are sadder stories by far, but I wish you had gotten a longer shot at life..We all expect to pull off something education wise, get a job, get married maybe and while we grow older, run into each other now and then to remind one another of the past, a sepia tinted childhood maybe, that we share.
P, I am really sorry for anything mean I might have said to you or about you. You must have done similar things but you and me both know that they really do not matter. I know you must feel bad but try feeling happy about the fact that you have lived your life in a way that today someone as detached from you as me is remembering you and wishing you would come back.We have done cooky things together...like ten people descending on one plate of pav bhaji at N's place. Yes, I remember going to Shillong peak and the school picnic together. no, we were not great friends or anything, but we were always nice to each other. At least you were to me and I hope I was to you to. You were part of that crazy gang, that crazy time. And so, maybe it is not of much importance to you but that way, you will always be part of my memory of a very special time. And you know what? I still remember you sitting next to me in moral science class in 6th or 7th, lending me a pen (maybe it was a pencil?) from your purple disney box. I think that is my best memory of you. We did had better times, but that one was just between you and me.
Strange, but I still feel like I will run into her in Shillong again next time and she will say "what?you heard I DIED?", and she will laugh her signature laughter. stranger still, but for someone who I thought never mattered to me much, I sure remember her laugh. I hope I do always. I am still wondering what she is feeling right now. because i know she is out there somewhere...her hair now in absolute perfection i hope.why is it that she seems more human to me now that she is "gone"? She is special to so many people. She must have touched her share of lives. I wish I or someone could give credit to all her special moments.
For all my batch mates:we were born at pretty much around the same time. we began the journey of growing up together but what we should remember is that we will not end it in the same manner. So to all those in my batch...those obscure to me and not...its been fun,quite great actually. thanks for being born when you were.
