Hollow,Hollow...You.

this post is for someone who used to be an inspiration, but now is a figure that arouses that pathetic emotion called pity...

i am writing this for you, and yet i know you may never read it. why? well maybe because reading...the real sort of reading requires some sort of emotion...like curiosity,interest,etc. and i do not know whether you are capable of feeling any feeling.

you go on everyday telling yourself that life is but one long war for you to fight in. you pretend to be this unreachable, strong rock sitting on the edge of a steep cliff...immovable.

but you know what? life is not a war, atleast not for everyone. life is what you make it. and not all of us turn it or view it as a war. strength...yes you have it no doubt. but strength can be of different kinds. dont laugh at someone who cries thinking he is weaker than you. no, he maybe stonger than you even, because he knows that his tears symbolize that he has emotions left in him and he is proud of them. not everyone takes pride in pretending that this world is too small to get to them.

i have seen you pretend...pretend smiles and pretend hugs with people you claim do not matter. and when i ask why, you say that you need to get along. oh please! get real. you are just pleasing them. and if they really did not matter, why would you?

you think love is stupid. you think friendship is a lie. you parade the fact that you do not love anyboby but those that you have to because of reasons as shallow as blood. when will you understand that people do not only love when they have to. when will you understand the value of someone's love which you have earned? its something sacred that you give to those who deserve it. it has to be earned...by strangers and blood ties alike.

ask youself, when was the last time you said something to encourage someone? when was the last time someone told you "thanks for being there". forget that, when was the last time YOU said that to anybody? maybe the number of times i have won a prize...and that is not a lot. maybe even lesser than that right?

you have built this wall around you. don't you see, no one is going to wait on the other side forever. i know because i wont.

you claim people do not show you affection. how can they? when was the last time you told anyone that you love them, or miss them, or anything at all? you feel bad about yourself saying you have been hurt. maybe by me? but i doubt that. i do not know if there is enough left in you for me to hurt.

try and think of yourself as you were some years ago and then see if you can even recognize yourself. you and your so called knowledge. do you realize that the ones for whom you are fighting your "battle" do not even have the freedom to come and say anything nice to you for fear of being called babies? you react like sodium in hot water when someone tries to even help you out. but you are only too willing to say what others have to do. you cannot save everyone. people have to make their own mistakes. dont 'try to better everyone else's situation. just try and live whatever is left of your existence...because what you have is not a life.

you have made fun of me ever since i can remember. maybe i was to take it as fondness in disguise. so i do not expect any better of you. but i hope for it. i cannot understand you. i dont want to. yes i know i am stupid and weak. but i still can laugh at old times, i still feel great when i am hugged, i still feel like loving and dreaming at the end of it all. while you are so busy pointlessly ramming your head against walls and hearts of all kinds.

i hope you can lie to yourself nicely enough at night. you need it. but despite everything i do love you. only the "i love you because i have to" equation does not apply in my case. i will till i have the strength to. you are not mine to save, but i hope someone does.

you are becoming hollow...and i feel sorry for you.

This & That...

so this is hello again.i was away for a lot of reasons...not that you are wondering i know.oh how i would love to tell you how my exams went...not!all i remember are nightmares, fear, stomach rumbles and pain...oh the pain!its amazing i survived.actually, its amazing i got to the 12th standard in the first place.

now,here i am with a scary tomorrow before me, blogging and munching a delicious mutton roll. sigh...well not that much.there is so much to write that i dont want to write. so i want this post to be about a list of my likes and dislikes which people i've lived with my entire life or less do not know and will probably never ask...but i will write anyway...

1.i love the colour red (not on me, no) and i love spicy food more than gold.

2.carnations are my favorite flowers and cauliflowers my least favorite.

3.i can spend days only watching friends,ally mcbeal,the wonder years...i cry sometimes after watching the last two.

4."the fresh prince of bel-air" is my greatest source of strength and inspiration.

5.i feel most sleepy when i go shopping...especially with my sisters.

6.i am addicted to chocolate and have been bribed many times with it. i have accepted too.

7.i nurse a special reverence for garfield and roark (variety).

8.i cry at the drop of a hat. i have improved lately. now its at the drop of bigger hats.

9.i feel physical pain when someone i love is mean. yeah i know i sound like cinderellla! oh and i hate that story by the way.

10.i first fell in love at the age of 7...with mr.anderson's tales. oh and speaking of love, i once had a hulk sized crush on someone who smiled at me one day and it took me a whole minute to return it because a hundred cats were sitting on my tongue, as well as my head.

11.i am afraid i am a romantic at heart.sad.

12.i feel too much at times. at other times i am blank.

13.sometimes i see myself years later, playing with a child...mine. yes, i have thought about that as well.dont you judge me.

14.my idea of a dream wedding (yes, this as well) is one on a hill side at sunset with only me and the fool who i will marry, with the one who will marry us of course.

15.because of the above and many others, chances are i will die single!

16.sometimes i dream about living alone with a good enough job. i am not very ambitious you see, there is simply no point.

17.i have a thousand questions on my mind and a million dreams and i am waiting for someone who will listen. i am afraid its going to be a long wait.

18.i hope of coming back here one day and live in a woodden house with a small garden.

19.i dont appreciate people calling me to tell me why i should listen to rock.

20.sometimes i cry simply because i want to.

21.i bought a card 5 years ago because i thought it was pretty and have found someone to give it to only now.

22.i would not share this roll with anyone even if i were in love with him.

22.i will hate any sarcastic comments on my list thankyou-very-much!

ok, so now you are bored and i am tired. so, go read a better blog and i will eat.until next time...