hello, after a long,long time. do not thank your luck, thank my exams for that.
how i would like to say that alot has happened over the past weeks. alas! nothing has. and whatever has happened has been so utterly mundane that i cannont recall anything.
well,my exams are over so now i can sleep like never before. i have returned to my potter, my love. yet, and yet, i am a tortured soul...sob,sob!
now, when my exams ended, i was HAPPY! the world of tv,books,hogging and getting wet in the rain was all mine. or so i thought!
i have this aunt of mine who does not live with me (so to say). but she is there everyday. i do not mind, i quite like her (sometimes). its like i live in a joint family. we have joint lunches, breakfasts,everyday. again,i do not mind. but the obssesive control of the remote gets on me. there i am watching Ally Mcbeal or The Simpsons,happy so happy. then,suddenly, i am thrown into a loud world of 3 sisters (ugly sisters), all making plans (loudly) to marry each others husbands or whatever. and then it continues untill 11:30 when i indulge in Friends. my brain dies endless times during those hours.
as though that is not enough, from 3 to 5 in the evening, i am transported into yet another loud world of bangla cinema, from 5 to 6 my poor tv i switch off so that it can gather the strength to entertain my twisted family later. it screams "the horror!"
but now i have started becoming used to it. my ears have started blocking themselves against the noise of kitchens collapsing evertime a close-up of one of those ugly faces is taken. thank god for the immune system.
i have started taking evening walks now. the blasted rain has stopped so there goes the master plan. but i have witnessed many a beautiful sunset since then. i guess one good thing has come of this...i have started liking shillong better. ghastly!what a few movies and serials can change in you.
i am going for a 3 day break to my cousins to guwahati. yes, boiling, mosquito-ridden guwahati. deperate times these are. fortunately, my cousin is a treat to be with. i am hoping she will make all the mosquito bites worth it. hoping against hope!!!
Monday, August 27, 2007
Monday, August 13, 2007
Me says "wha???..."
its been long..too long since the last post. its just that my life is either very uneventful or is filled with such ghastly, bizzare events...they are unfit for words.
anyway, life is very sad because exams are lodging in my life right now.i'm what you would call "hyper " when it comes to exams. no,no... i'm not studious. just plain hyper. first paper was english. i like the subject a lot, but i'm afraid that will not show on my paper. just gave the dreaded history exam. for the past 2 days, i've slept for 4 hours each day. but did it pay off? yeah right!
i was never academically inclined. but for sometime last year, i had really tried. i got good marks and i was very satisfied. there were the ever disstisfeid elements going "you will have to do much better next time", but i did not really bother. for the first time ever, i felt a drive, a sense of purpose. i was doing it for myself and so, whatever i got,i was happy because i knew somewhere that i deserved it.
however, that notion is pleasing only when what you do get is bright. this time around, something is amiss. yes i do work,but i know its not enough. and yet i cannot convince myself to do any better.
i am scared of what this will do to me. my family and those bloody blood relations might say i do not study. that i can say is not very true. i do work because i have certain very important places i have to go in life. but i'm lacking that drive, that sense of purpose. people will say that i have a purpose,that being a good college. but its about more than that.
i'm not making excuses here (this is meant for the sisters). this thing goes beyond the books. it is about my life as a whole. sometimes i cannot understand the reasons (or rather the lack of them) for the things i do. i have ten different people coming and telling me what to do, how to do it,etc.. they say, "i want you to do well in life.so, you should blah...blah...blah..." i hear and my response? nodding and saying" thank you". and a full stop.
i have lived pretty much alone for the last one and a half, two years, with four, five relations about,whose presence has mattered but has had no impact. the result is that i have started demanding a huge amount of "my" space. i cannot tolerate questions even when the one who asks has a full right to. i'm scared because i do not know what will happen if and when i go and live with my sisters. my temper has become fragile and i fear what it will do to the bonds i consider so precious.
okay,i guess i have pretty much bored you enough. so i will stop now and try to salvage what marks i can for the rest of my exams.oh and one more thing...pleassseeee pray for me!
anyway, life is very sad because exams are lodging in my life right now.i'm what you would call "hyper " when it comes to exams. no,no... i'm not studious. just plain hyper. first paper was english. i like the subject a lot, but i'm afraid that will not show on my paper. just gave the dreaded history exam. for the past 2 days, i've slept for 4 hours each day. but did it pay off? yeah right!
i was never academically inclined. but for sometime last year, i had really tried. i got good marks and i was very satisfied. there were the ever disstisfeid elements going "you will have to do much better next time", but i did not really bother. for the first time ever, i felt a drive, a sense of purpose. i was doing it for myself and so, whatever i got,i was happy because i knew somewhere that i deserved it.
however, that notion is pleasing only when what you do get is bright. this time around, something is amiss. yes i do work,but i know its not enough. and yet i cannot convince myself to do any better.
i am scared of what this will do to me. my family and those bloody blood relations might say i do not study. that i can say is not very true. i do work because i have certain very important places i have to go in life. but i'm lacking that drive, that sense of purpose. people will say that i have a purpose,that being a good college. but its about more than that.
i'm not making excuses here (this is meant for the sisters). this thing goes beyond the books. it is about my life as a whole. sometimes i cannot understand the reasons (or rather the lack of them) for the things i do. i have ten different people coming and telling me what to do, how to do it,etc.. they say, "i want you to do well in life.so, you should blah...blah...blah..." i hear and my response? nodding and saying" thank you". and a full stop.
i have lived pretty much alone for the last one and a half, two years, with four, five relations about,whose presence has mattered but has had no impact. the result is that i have started demanding a huge amount of "my" space. i cannot tolerate questions even when the one who asks has a full right to. i'm scared because i do not know what will happen if and when i go and live with my sisters. my temper has become fragile and i fear what it will do to the bonds i consider so precious.
okay,i guess i have pretty much bored you enough. so i will stop now and try to salvage what marks i can for the rest of my exams.oh and one more thing...pleassseeee pray for me!
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