of snow-men and mittens etc...

hello there. hope you had a nice christmas. actually i had a great one so i can be smug for once! i spent the entire day with some of my best friends, but the food was obviously the best part. behold my list....pulao, mutton(all spicy and smoked and all), fried chicken, chicken curry, mashed potatoes, roast chicken, roast potatoes, chocolate soufle,blackforest cake and of course some surprisingly yummy coffee!hehheh!

shillong is a beautiful place usually. but its just wonderful in winters. incidentally, winter is my favourite time of the year. ah! the pleasure of curling up under a warm quilt at night is simply that...ah!

christmas is my most preferred festival. not that i am religious or anything (i have no energy for that). but i have always liked the idea of families gathering around christmas trees and playing in the snow,etc. but mostly i like christmas because its quiet and a time spent with family and friends minus all the bling and the noise. there is all of that, but is tolerable nonetheless.

i love taking winter-evening walks. everyone walks around with their hands in their jacket pockets with monkey-caps and sweaters. its all so cute! yes yes i know i sound like santa's wannabe helper. well its not a bad prospect considering my impending unemployment!

at dusk, if you take a walk around a neighbourhood here, you will see christmas tress shining in almost all drawing rooms and hear carols every now and then. well, the actual experience is much better than i make it sound. and shillong is heaven during winters. you wake up to a warm bright winter day, have a wonderfully chilly evening with a wonderful cup of coffee and spend your nights staring out of your window at the glittering lights on distant hills.sigh.

i guess i love the build-up to chirstmas more than the actual day. but build-ups are always more fun than the d-days. except during exams and weddings(your own). then its just an increasing scale of horror.

stomach blues.

first off, a note to all my "silent" readers. i do not need the silence. what is the point? you do not have to be the creatures of the night. just say something huh!

i watched a movie with my friends. god bless my embarrased soul. my ahem friends were bawling like babies. it should have been ok since it happens all the time. no matter what the movie, crying is a must. to top it all, one of them forgot she was not at home and started commenting loudly, things like "oh! he's got a cute butt!". i was muttering "shut up, shut up." then she said (loudly) "but its cute yaar!"

i am pretty excited about christmas this year. i have places to go to (for the first time). my new year is going to snooze...as usual. oh! sad life.

some people are having a ball about the fact that i am crushing on a celebrity and do not leave any stone unturned to insult him. they have conveniently forgotten their days of rahul dravid and nick carter. disgusting.

last night i had a horrible stomach ache. it was so bad, i was squirming and moaning in pain. and i suddenly felt so alone. i remembered how mom used to scold me, then give me medicines and i used to fall asleep holding her. last night i had no one to hold. i understood then what people mean when the say "mother's touch".

i was crying from a mixture of pain and emotions. my friend then messaged me (illegally) from her sister's phone telling me a list of do(s). cute na?

my sister called me then. after thirty minutes of nice conservation, i felt so much better. i miss my sisters a lot sometimes. i cannot belive i see them once or twice a year now when i used to see their annoying faces 24*7. i see a lot of my parents in them. now more than ever. i cannot figure how close we are. i just hope pretty much though. i guess this is how it will be:3 people,3 lives,all different.

last night i imagined holding mom and falling asleep next to her. i did. i fell asleep next to her after a long time. thank god for the stomach ache. it brought me back home.

p.s.: hey gobber and goomer (sisters) i love you both.

ARBID ONLY ARBID...

back finally.and had a horrible time away.should.have turned into a blogging traitor.just to keep you updated,i have been ill with a throat infection for some two weeks now.yes i went to a doc.was useless...yay!and for the first time,i was declared"not well enough" for my prelims...so yay yay yay!

ok so i am irritated once again.gee!its a talent i tell you!i know its normal to feel lost sometimes,like i do right now. but normal is meaningless. i have started to lose faith in a lot of things lately. cant say for sure i ever had faith in a lot of people actually. you know those times when you feel like a fool? yes i know...that is normal too. its just that i have been feeling like that a lot lately.

life is full of pain...or so people say. then why can one not just get used to it. why do the same things hurt again and again with the same magnitude if not more. and what is one supposed to do again and again?

i see,feel things slipping from me.everything that i have known,understood...slipping away. how do you get back your self respect? i was never a big fan of me, and i like myself lesser and lesser every time. no these are not teenege pangs (dear sis). this is the after effect of letting people walk over you.

i miss my father a lot. he took pride in what he was. i know now how hard that is a thing to do. i just regret the fact that he was not there long enough to teach me that. i do not think he is too proud of me right now. i am not complaining, i have never given him reason to actually. but i know he loves me all the same. its a rare thing...unconditional love. but there is a quote from the Wonder Years that makes me happy about him. it goes....

"some things are deeper than time and distance.And your father will always be your father...And he will always leave a light on for you."

Warm and Fuzzy...me?

"love...we all want it,not all get it," said john cage of ally mcbeal. its a strange state of mind.i hate all that "you are in love when you cant sleep or eat" nonsense. that is just ill-health.this whole idea of love being out of this world is very strange.i suppose it is subjective. i have always thought of it to be a very earthy,human emotion. perfectly natural and selfish. you love someone inspite of pain. you complain of no reciprocation etc.... but you still do love. why? becacuse you want to. it always makes you feel better...less lonely somehow. so its selfish. for me atleast. to say "I love you" and claim selflessness is stupid.

there are some who beg for it, go looking for it desperately and end up in gutters. there are others who shut their doors on it. and there are some who write about it:)

"i love you to an extent where even your consent or indifference does not matter,"...Ayn Rand. my take on it. if i were to love someone and he were to say "sorry", would it change the fact that i do? no. besides, to say "I love you" is a statement, not a question. for me, love is a sacred concept. correction:MY love, as in my emotions are sacred. even more so than the person.

one-sided love hurts. but this is an emotion that teaches more than anything else. love cannot be thrown out. it has to be worn out. so why not just live it. live its moments of insanity, warmth,pain and all else to the fullest. because at the end of that road, you will be a much better person.besides, one-sided things wear off one day or another.

but people have conditions on it. they ignore it. hate it if it hurts. take it for granted if it is returned. strange...how can people ridicule their own feelings? then they listen to sad songs and feel like they have been chosen to be doomed.they claim their love was never understood.love is not meant to be understood. it is meant to be lived till it breathes.

very few people are capable of loving. of giving a part of their soul to someone else. those are lucky people. so why are only couples considered lucky? why are only permanent endings considered happy? they are not.love someone, not so you can have a coffee partner anytime you want. love someone...for the sheer pleasure and pain of it.

today someone i hold close to my heart has been touched by it. i was so happy, i was half smiling, half crying all the way here. and today another someone's hopes to an eventual deserved happy ending have died. so now i am basically confused as to what facial expression to wear!

i am strange...pretty cold and rude. but sometimes my eyes well up when i watch ally mcbeal.i almost always cry after every wonder years episode.if anyone were to love me (yeah sure!) he would need a thorough check-up.my story is pretty blurry,will always be.its fate i tell you! as for permanence..."loves dont always work out. but who made up the rule that the best ones do?" ally again.

Iskra Spirit...

aaaarrrgghhh!i am so sick of people. i hate living here with a bunch of toads as relatives who all go behind my back telling each other how bad i am. their biggest fear (or hope?) is my boyfriend (?) with whom im having a hot affair . anytime a male friend calls, oh! there it goes again.

i feel like telling them that i do infact have boyfriend(s) and am a slut. besides even if i ever do, i do not think i would need to ask a bunch of smelly hags about it.

and then there are those who are your loved ones...friends,etc.. people who turn to you for help. who claim they never want to hurt you. yet they keep doing things that do infact HURT! they do not do it conciously which is worse. it just goes to show how little they understand and know you.

when i'm angry, i yell. when i'm hurt i am not able to do or say anything. but can those who love you, whom you trust and care about, not get simple basics? i am a doormat. as in i allow anything, even if it comes at the cost of my feelings sometimes. no i am not great. just stupid. i do not open up very easy about everything. nobody can spell things out for someone to get, especially when that someone is supposed to be one of your "best friends".

some say they respect me because i'm so very "understanding". no i am human. i get hurt...and easy. in case you are still lost...yes i am feeling angry and hurt and tired.

and what am i doing about it? am i showing my anger? no. but yes, believe me, i have tried. but i suppose oblivion is a blessed state. sorry for making you read such crap. i had no other choice.

p.s.:my uncle gifted my a sleek n small music player. i am strange...i have named my phone (do not ask) and this one too. well i hate shopping, so i had to even it out somewhere! and it,no sorry he is called Iskra Spirit. it means power of the spirit. this i something i hope i can have someday... Sigh!

Polluted Celebrations...

hello!back after so long but back nonetheless.i witnessed yet another durga puja a few days ago and i want to write something about what i saw. i know it does not sound too great but you do not expect that anyway right?
day-1(Saptami):i see not so much crowded pandals (they are less crowded on the first day,i cant really say why.) junk food stalls line up and people walk about dressed all fancy.some sit and admire the idols.i do too and leave for fear of the crowd gathering strength.

day-2(asthami):i go out at night and see a stream of people all glittering and looking quite ahem pretty(read: scary). i see groups of strange boys staring at glittering females. i see females putting in an extra dose of giggles and hand waving, some enjoying perverted stares. i see women looking at sarees of other women. i see hardly anyone looking at the goddess herself. in one pandal i see a crowd dancing to a bad singer's bollywood tunes. in another section of that same pandal i see 3 to 5 people praying to the idols.

day-3(navami):again i go out at night and make it a point not to wear anything that shines. i stand amidst a sea of people and of strange perfumes all merged and so i pray for fresh air. i see women,girls and children alike all dressed in gleaming clothes and all looking like potential energy sources.

day-4(dashami): i go in the morning to take a last look at the goddess. i see her children half drunk and progressing in the name of the grief they feel to see her go. that people...is puja.

as i child i loved this festival.3 days of fun. i used to wait all year in anticipation. but i remember above all, i used to keep looking at Her idol's face and feeling a strange sadness. it had nothing to do with the pujas ending but i always felt a sense of pain whenever i looked at her. still do.
there is something about Her hair and the way it falls on Her arms that always used to remind me of my own mother. strange,but true.
on the last day this year, i spent 20 minutes or so staring at Her again while people danced around me. for the slightest second i think i saw a sign of Her existence on that clay face. i felt a strange sense of purpose and the security of knowing my path and of company too. no, i am not religious, but i just felt that. i looked around me, at her children, at myself. then i looked back up at Her and suddenly i knew the reason behind that old familiar sense of pain.
almost every dashami evening, a little portion of the sky is stained with red. my grandma told me its a sign of Her love and presence. i believed her. i thought of what people do in those 3 days and understood it to be happiness because the earth's daughter (that is what She is called sometimes) has come home. but this time when i tought of her drunken children bidding her farewell, that same red patch started meaning something very different to me.

Thanks

this is a big thankyou to all who commented on the previous post. it was the first time i was on the verge of tears while reading the comment page (for a good reason).
someone said it was "writing at its best" (blush). someone said my mom would have been proud of me:).but what was best was that it was so very comforting.like a warm quilt on a rainy night. to be comforted feels nice. but to be comforted by people who do not even know you, to feel cared for feels so...well...sigh.
moving on...last week my distant aunt in a village type place gave birth to a girl...her second girl.
my entire extended family...that is the women went "oh!too bad." my reaction was this'"uh..wha...what?" then they went on to explain how they had wanted a boy because apparantly if a boy performs rituals after his family members death,it is much better for the soul.yes...i know...crap!
they went on to say they felt so very disappointed when i and my sis-2 were born,especially me.ouch.that hurt. i have not been ignorant about gender woes. i just never expected this in my own backyard.
and all this why? would i have loved my parents better as a boy? would i be a better sibling as a boy?no. its a ridiculous thought. but there it is!
i remember watching old movies about this as a kid.i remember going to my father and apologizing for being a girl (my age:4). i remember my father laughing (he had a strange sense of humour).its pathetic. i felt disgusted at these women and its not a great feeling.
i'm not a rebel or anything.but i'm not going to let them make me feel sorry for being a girl.humanity must be sorry enough at their existence in the first place. where is that basic sense of human compassion? is having a child not about creating a living acknowledgement of your love? is a child not a part of you, regardless of its sex?
whatever.oh my sister is coming this saturday.(yay!) i remember going to school,seated in a car with both of them on each side of me thinking "i have the best!". yeah well...hehe.
p.s.:i wrote my first fan letter to one of my favourite authors and the sweet thing replied!(yahoo!)

Thanks

the following post is for mom.
in a few hours time,it will be a year since you went. there are a lot of things i want to say to you. but let me give you a general update first. i got 95 in history mom. can you believe it? of course you cannot. sis-2 got a job in mumbai. that is something i still cannot believe. mom, do you remember telling me that evening about your hopes that she will one day marry that someone,and i sat on the floor roaring with laughter? well, mom, not going to happen,trust me! told you! but do not worry i will not tell anyone about it. i will save you the embarassment! your eldest is still the same stubborn pixie. i have become more messed up. your family is crazy. so there you go.
how has a year passed so soon? i cannot believe its been a year since i last heard your voice calling out my name. a year since i last gave you a glass of water. a year since i last touched you.it seems like yesterday.
yesterday i was looking at your stack of sarees,touching them,trying to find your touch.everywhere i look, there is something that screams of your existence. then how come you are not there?
this last year has been a blur. people have moved on.maybe you have too. but i am still standing there. i do not want to go on. every evening i half expect you to come from work and tell me to make you tea. every now and then i wait for you to call out my name. and every time i feel a my reality's slap on my face.
i feel guilty when i laugh sometimes. how can i just pretend like everything is all right when nothing is? people tell me you are happier now and so i should be happy for you. but i am not happy. when i look at what i have become, i am not happy.
i know for a fact that even if i spend the rest of my life apologizing, it will not be enough. i'm sorry i was not a good daughter. i am sorry i could not take better care of you. i am sorry i hurt you. i am sorry i could not make you proud. but i wish you had given me some more of your time.
i remember your pain. now i even understand it. do you remember you asked me if i could take care of myself without you. i did not answer you then. but is it too late to say "no i will not be ok"? when you said you could not stand the pain and wanted it to be over, i was stone cold. but mom i did not want to be, everyone told me that if i wanted you to get well, i would have to be that way, be "strict". all i wanted to do was to cry and tell you how much i needed you.
when i was leaving the hospital and you held my hand and told me you were scared, i died a hundred times over in that moment. you told me to pray for your release. how could i do that mom? i remember avoiding to look at you. your eyes seemed to scream "why?". and i had no answer.
mom, somewhere i hate you for going. but i know you did not want to. what do i do? i feel so angry, so empty. where do i turn to now. why do i hate realising the helplessness of the orphan that i have become? but i promise you one thing mom, i'll never let you go.
there is a song that reminds me of you. it goes like this...
why do the birds go on singing?
why do the stars glow above?
don't they know its the end of the world?
it ended when i lost your love.
i wake up in the morning and i wonder
why everything is the same as it was?
i can't understand no i cant undestand.
how life goes on the way it does?
why does my heart go on beating?
why do these eyes of mine cry?
don't they know its the end of the world?
it ended when you said goodbye.
i know that if i am living, its for a purpose. but i dont want to without you. every smile, every dream, every achievement is and will always be incomplete without you. i will be incomplete without you.
i do not have the strength in me to write anymore. i just want to say that i love you and plead you to wait for me. you will right? you will be with me right? please?
the last time i talked to you, i promised you i would take you home. i never got the chance. but i still want to fulfill that.
come back home,please ma?

The Horror Times...

hello, after a long,long time. do not thank your luck, thank my exams for that.
how i would like to say that alot has happened over the past weeks. alas! nothing has. and whatever has happened has been so utterly mundane that i cannont recall anything.
well,my exams are over so now i can sleep like never before. i have returned to my potter, my love. yet, and yet, i am a tortured soul...sob,sob!
now, when my exams ended, i was HAPPY! the world of tv,books,hogging and getting wet in the rain was all mine. or so i thought!
i have this aunt of mine who does not live with me (so to say). but she is there everyday. i do not mind, i quite like her (sometimes). its like i live in a joint family. we have joint lunches, breakfasts,everyday. again,i do not mind. but the obssesive control of the remote gets on me. there i am watching Ally Mcbeal or The Simpsons,happy so happy. then,suddenly, i am thrown into a loud world of 3 sisters (ugly sisters), all making plans (loudly) to marry each others husbands or whatever. and then it continues untill 11:30 when i indulge in Friends. my brain dies endless times during those hours.
as though that is not enough, from 3 to 5 in the evening, i am transported into yet another loud world of bangla cinema, from 5 to 6 my poor tv i switch off so that it can gather the strength to entertain my twisted family later. it screams "the horror!"
but now i have started becoming used to it. my ears have started blocking themselves against the noise of kitchens collapsing evertime a close-up of one of those ugly faces is taken. thank god for the immune system.
i have started taking evening walks now. the blasted rain has stopped so there goes the master plan. but i have witnessed many a beautiful sunset since then. i guess one good thing has come of this...i have started liking shillong better. ghastly!what a few movies and serials can change in you.
i am going for a 3 day break to my cousins to guwahati. yes, boiling, mosquito-ridden guwahati. deperate times these are. fortunately, my cousin is a treat to be with. i am hoping she will make all the mosquito bites worth it. hoping against hope!!!

Me says "wha???..."

its been long..too long since the last post. its just that my life is either very uneventful or is filled with such ghastly, bizzare events...they are unfit for words.
anyway, life is very sad because exams are lodging in my life right now.i'm what you would call "hyper " when it comes to exams. no,no... i'm not studious. just plain hyper. first paper was english. i like the subject a lot, but i'm afraid that will not show on my paper. just gave the dreaded history exam. for the past 2 days, i've slept for 4 hours each day. but did it pay off? yeah right!
i was never academically inclined. but for sometime last year, i had really tried. i got good marks and i was very satisfied. there were the ever disstisfeid elements going "you will have to do much better next time", but i did not really bother. for the first time ever, i felt a drive, a sense of purpose. i was doing it for myself and so, whatever i got,i was happy because i knew somewhere that i deserved it.
however, that notion is pleasing only when what you do get is bright. this time around, something is amiss. yes i do work,but i know its not enough. and yet i cannot convince myself to do any better.
i am scared of what this will do to me. my family and those bloody blood relations might say i do not study. that i can say is not very true. i do work because i have certain very important places i have to go in life. but i'm lacking that drive, that sense of purpose. people will say that i have a purpose,that being a good college. but its about more than that.
i'm not making excuses here (this is meant for the sisters). this thing goes beyond the books. it is about my life as a whole. sometimes i cannot understand the reasons (or rather the lack of them) for the things i do. i have ten different people coming and telling me what to do, how to do it,etc.. they say, "i want you to do well in life.so, you should blah...blah...blah..." i hear and my response? nodding and saying" thank you". and a full stop.
i have lived pretty much alone for the last one and a half, two years, with four, five relations about,whose presence has mattered but has had no impact. the result is that i have started demanding a huge amount of "my" space. i cannot tolerate questions even when the one who asks has a full right to. i'm scared because i do not know what will happen if and when i go and live with my sisters. my temper has become fragile and i fear what it will do to the bonds i consider so precious.
okay,i guess i have pretty much bored you enough. so i will stop now and try to salvage what marks i can for the rest of my exams.oh and one more thing...pleassseeee pray for me!

Here It Ends.

my sweet reader,the following post is for a friend, sort of a letter actually. and its kind of strange. read on,but you have been warned...
hi. how have you been? i'm writing this to tell you all that i can and the strangest thing is that i'll never know whether you will ever read this or not. anyway...
let me begin by thanking you for all that you have done for me and more than that. you have been great. you have made me so much stronger. thankyou for the faith, the love, the trust...thankyou for being "you."
we have had quite a journey together. we have seen the ups and the lows. i'll never forget how patient you have been with me. all those times i'd dump all my frustration on you and you would listen. all those times i have cried on your shoulder and you let me, so patiently. we have never failed to be there for each other. its been beautiful, thanks.
i remember someone telling me that i try too hard to be understood. i do not know about the "too hard" part, but i guess most of us try to be understood. but with you, i never, NEVER had to try. you accepted me, in every sense of the word. somewhere you became another best friend. i thought that this was truly "friends forever."
and look at what has happened. i cannot bring myself to believe it. i cannot believe that now i'm actually going on without you, that you are a part of my past now. i cannot believe how badly we have hurt each other. sorry. i truly am sorry.
call it coincidence or plain dumb luck, but guess what song is playing in the cyber?
if only you could see the tears
in the world you left behind
if only you could hear my heart
just one more time
even when i close my eyes
there's an image of your face
and once again i come to realize
you are a loss i can't replace...soledad...
you hurt me, yes you did. i wish i could say "lets just forget it and move on." but i'm not in a position to do that. so what if we are not friends any longer, we have those memories that we made. they will last, trust me. but for all the trust and the love, some hurts just simply run too deep.
maybe one day, say 10 years from now, we should meet? i just hope that day i have it in me to look you in the eye and say "so?what have you been upto this past decade?" but right now, its just too much. i do not think we can forgive and forget so easily.
anyway, i just hope you can find all the happiness you are looking for. i also hope that you never have a friend like me again. you are better off without people like us. we do not make for good friends anyway. just know, you are missed. also know, i am sorry. and i know you are too.but guess that will not do, will it?
now i have to stop writing before people start staring at the freak who looks like she has been crying in a cyber. all the best. stay well and take good care of yourself, ok?
p.s.: somehow i am not able to post a comment on the last post. so this is a reply to another brick on the wall: stop feeding nonsensical ideas into paranoid raghu's head. relax! i'm not in love. that is one blessed emotion i am not capable of.

JUMBLED...

its been quite sometime since the last post, but i did not really have a lot to write about. even now there isnt much to say. no,correction:there is too much to say and no apparent outlet. so many incidents, so many thoughts, so many emotions...all have merged to form this huge body of "I DON'T KNOW."anyway,there are a few things i would like to say...(duh)...
last week was one of my bestest friend's 18th birthday. we have been friends for 5 years and something months now. i can safely say that she is one of the wierdest people i know. she is not of this world and is utterly disinterested in anything related to it. i remember once in the 7th standard, during one particularly sleepy geography class, this friend of mine was sitting on her chair perfectly still (read:sitting still) and BAM!she fell off her chair, only to realise it after the rest of us. in the 9th standard, she stood up to ask the teacher to let her search for her lost glasses. she sat down and CRUNCH! well,she found them all right!!!
she is one of thee most important people in my life. she is the one who brought harry potter into my life. i just want her to know that i love her extremely much and always will. also thank her for making school so much fun and making my life so much more complete. us (me,her and one more) have been through a lot together and we are just getting stronger by the day. we bring just that little dash of wonderful insanity to each other's lives:)
ok. that was emotional (i hope). there is something that has been disturbing me and i need anyone who is reading this to help me figure this out. some friends of mine claim they are "confused." they do not dare to take chances because they are scared of the consequences. they do not want to ruin what they have by taking chances. they are "insecure,confused people by nature." whats,ifs,buts,what ifs,etc. etc...
yes, i understand we all have our fears. but does it make sense to let those fears get the better of us than our wants? why is everything that is temporary automatically forbidden territory? yes, things do not always work out, but why not try it and know atleast. what is the pleasure in saying "what if" forever? is it so wrong to be selfish sometimes? why remain confused when you can know? why can we not live even temporary things and make the best of it? sometimes, by being too cautious, we kill a little of our dreams, our needs, and a little of ourselves.
please people, tell me!!!
p.s.:Ja, Mo,...i love you both.
p.p.s.:another question for my patient reader: you know love? as in the man-woman kind of (crappy) love? i do not mean the "i love you because its couples only night at the pub tonight." i mean love as in the real,honest, genuine kind? if you do, then tell me,is it possible to feel this kind of love for more than one person (2,3....) at the same time?

Cabs of Pure EVIL!

Yes,yes...i know its a little too early for the second post but i feel duty bound to share this particular incident.
this is a piece of insight to my life:i am always, ALWAYS late for school. its a part of my identity now...
anyway, it seems that my being late has now become a universal law...i am late even if i start out early(eeesssshh). today was particularly beautiful...
i left my abode in good enough time to reach school before that hated bell would scream. but of course, how could i defy THE LAW? i got into a cab and sat there while that wonderful man (the driver) waited for others. waited..waited..and waited some more.
for those who do not know this, shillong taxis are share taxis.now, i have no problem with sharing. but ah!there is a fine distinction between share cabs and pile-on cabs. there were FIVE people (including myself) seated in the backseat of a maruti 800 (there are supposed to be 5 people in the entire cab actually). there were 3 people in the front seat.
to top such inhuman treatment, the wonderful man drove at a speed of say 10kms on those rare stretches of empty roads. oh!he had shoulder length hair...i had to control myself a great deal so as not to pull his mane.
the traffic today was just awesome (what can i say?im so lucky). i finally reached my destination and asked him to stop. but how could he? i guess he had fallen in love with me. so, that wonderful man goes ahead of that point. now im not violent exactly. but at that point i felt like thrashing him with my school shoe. i had to cross the main road thanks to him.
i reached school when the assembly was halfway through. i had to hide myself in the science building to save myself from the teachers.
after school,i was supposed to meet my cousin and go to ma's office for work. so i found myself another cab(this one's driver was also long haired.ghastly!). this cab broke down exactly 7 minutes later.
its been a wonderful day...
P.S.: wonderful man...wherever you are, this is my earnest wish for you:you will have not less than 3, yes i mean THREE tyre punctures on the SAME DAY!

Its a Start....

A very intimidated hello to the blogging world.its taken many, many nerve soothing talks and a week of unfortunate events amounting to unimaginable frustration for me to finally start a blog of my own.you see im not very strong when it comes to taking criticism...hence the nerves.but now things have come to a point where i desperately need a vent...hence the sudden courage.besides i figure writing is about expressing youself...so what the heck?
if ur still reading then god bless you.i want my 1st post to be about my life so far.so if you think you have the patience then read on...
i am the youngest of 3 sisters (the elder 2 of whom are quite accomplished might i add).growing up with siblings can be quite a pain.but fortunately i had quite a nice time with these two...lucky i guess.
right from the start i was "daddy's little girl" through and through.he's spoilt me according to many (thanks 4 that dad!).i guess its safe to say that he was my 1st "best mate".he'd come home from work and i would sit on his lap and talk of everything...from how barbies are so essential for a child to why the boy next door got grounded for that day.and he'd listen on and on...my hero dad.
i was never so close to ma though.i was mortally scared of her.she was the one with a firm hand...which felt pretty hard every time it fell on my poor cheeks(and there were countless such incidents).but shed make me the prettiest dresses in the world.she liked dressing me up,ma.i was fed on the loveliest bengali dishes thanks to her.oh and she was BEAUTIFUL.(ma,where did your genes go exactly?)
i think my sisters deserve a mention...oh i provided them some entertainment all right.i remember at the age of 4 searching for ma's "permission" in her purse, because my sisters said that permission was a red something in her bag.mom scolded me for ransacking her purse (i think she thought i had turned juvenile at 4) only to find those devils having a good laugh at me.they have kissed my poor cheeks so many times,they v gone numb now.
dad passed away when i was 11.seems ages now.a different lifetime somehow.after that, ma and i sort of fell apart.the sisters moved away.it was just me and ma.at a point things got so bad that we could hardly utter sentences without pinching words.i remember crying myself to sleep for letting that happen.but next morning,it would start all over again.
last year ma also passed away.we realised what we had lost a little too late.and now i spend my nights fathoming exactly how much i love and miss her.wish i could tell her that and a million "sorries" to boot.
so now its just us...me and my devils.but we'll get through.we dont exactly parade the love,but we all know its there.i live in shillong,practically alone,awaiting my turn to join my sisters.man i miss them.i dont know what ive turned out to be,but ive still got time i guess.i know im full of mistakes,but not all that bad either.i dont know if i like me,but i hope one day i will.
ok,long enough for the first post.if you are still reading...bless you!how did you last i wonder...don't answer that.so till next time(if there is one) bye,take care and thanks again...i'll improve...i swear!